i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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