I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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