guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
