Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
