sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't deserve a penis
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
