careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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