Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
