We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
