Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
