my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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