I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
