I will die if light touches me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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