I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
