Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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