she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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