i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
