Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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