I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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