And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
