i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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