So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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