you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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