We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
