I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
