the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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