I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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