Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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