I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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