They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
