it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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