it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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