I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
