Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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