he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
