He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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