All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
