Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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