Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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