You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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