My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She announced her abortion via fbk
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
