I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Randomize
