i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
