I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
