So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
