I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
