His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
