uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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