haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
