i will never coherently bang her
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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