Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
