Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
When are your genitals available?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
