He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
