I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
