Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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