Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
