my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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