I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
