Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
