There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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