did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
