woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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