woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
