They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
