I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
