you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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