Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
