just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
