3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
