if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
