Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
