she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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