fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
